Coming Of Age: A Comedy Of Requirement

Young people like graffiti and numbers no bigger than six, right?

Since the dawn of mankind there have existed a huge variety of different tribes and cultures on this curious planet of ours, each adapting to their own specific natural habitats and environments in order to eke out as prolonged and satisfactory existence as possible. Different though a large proportion of them may be to one another and despite having never met, certain similarities appear in the study of the preserved traditions and values of these ancient sects. One of the most prolific of these similarities is that of the 'Coming of Age' ritual, wherein a young boy or girl is put through a series of rigorous tests and trials to prove that they have truly entered into adulthood. 

For some it is a relatively simple transition; for example the Japanese are not recognised as adults until the age of twenty, where they are required to attend a conference hosted by various speakers and afterwards are given their first taste of adulthood; a nice fat tax-free cheque from the government. Hah! I had you going there didn't I? Of course, it being Japan, they must enter the super-fun-happy-rampage-rollercoaster dome dressed in the traditional neon-sumo-squid outfit and enter a glorious battle to the death between 80 foot high spinning flowers that shoot lasers from their grinding vortex petals and 'TechnoBaby', who is every bit as demented and cruel as he sounds. For others it is an altogether simpler affair. A little bar mitzvah here, a sleep in the wilderness there, top it all off with a little sprinkling of the first taste of alcohol or the first smoke of a cigarette and you've got the perfect recipe for a dignified initiation into a World of maturity, responsibility and inconsequential sex. 

Guess who plays the stupidest character. Yeah, all of them.

The passage into adulthood here in England is one of the cruellest and most bizarre rituals found in the modern world; the ability to sit through one episode of BBC 3's situational comedy entitled 'Coming of Age'. Every child when reaching their thirteenth birthday is taken to a top secret location, forced into a straight-jacket and strapped to a chair in a theatre facing a 20'x6' projection screen. They are then observed from a separate room by four impartial judges (hand-picked by the current prime minister) for the entire thirty minutes. They are monitored via neural signal transmitters attached to their foreheads for any sign of positive reaction to the onslaught of crass innuendos, predictable set-ups and tasteless jokes which ensue. Those that display characteristics of having their intelligence insulted and a general feeling of disgust and horror are immediately released, handed a two litre bottle of ridiculously strong cider and released into the nearest park for a night of projectile vomiting and unprotected sex with their peers, having successfully relinquished their final stages of immaturity. Any of the subjects who show any form of mirth, be it even the slightest of smiles are released, but must repeat the process every year until they display the emotional maturity required to be fully accepted as an adult.

He's so stupid he can't even grasp the concept of gravity.

It is for this reason I feel privileged to be the only reviewer to give this BBC3 sitcom a perfect 10 out of 10. For whilst many may have lambasted this atrocity of British comedy for a script including lines such as "Could you try and stick it up my fru-fru [sic] instead of up my poo-poo?" and "She's big, she's fat and she's minging...I can't wait to stick my jam in her doughnut," they have missed the point entirely. Long live 'Coming of Age', and it's rigorous societal placement regimes.