Today as I was walking through town to pick up a new tub of hair wax and cancel a lost debit card I invented a new game to keep my mind off the numbing banality that sometimes occurs within my 24 year old existence. The game was simple in premise; guess the position of employment held by the random stranger judged by their appearance and snatches of overheard conversations. This soon gave rise to an interesting question as to whether people take on the personality required to fulfil their job role, or if it is their original demeanour which dictates the position they eventually end up with.
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| Nothing says you're all going to hell in a hand basket better than this face |
Consequentially I began to link certain key aspects to different industries; orange skin and perroxide hair led me to believe the owner worked either in beauticians or tanning salons, flabby bellies and sunburnt right arms belonged to truck drivers and Australian accents were the sole requirement of people in the service industry. These findings caused me to begin thinking about more famous figures, and whether they too showed similar signs of having their appearance tailor made to their role. Piers Morgan came first to mind as an obvious choice, for what better person could wholeheartedly fill the position of the most loathed and detested ex-tabloid editing, vomit-inducing, pointless waste of fully functioning kidneys than that testicle faced cretin? The answer is no one, because only Piers has that particular face, the kind of face that makes any normal person want to train in Ju-Jitsu for twenty years just so they could land the perfect falcon punch right into his squishy visage.
And so to the topic of today's review; the spiritual leader of the Anglican church, the representative worldwide of the C of E, Dr Rowan Williams' face. Religion is what some may call a 'hot' topic and so I should probably advise those of you who are easily offended by radical points of view towards beliefs based on ideas over two millennia old to swiftly exit the same way you came in. Not that I will be touching on any of these topics, I just really want you to go away. Most of you will have already looked at the picture above without my telling you, but for those of you who read the words first and look at the pictures later, look at the picture above. That is the face in question. It is not always in that position, sometimes the mouth is open, sometimes it is blinking or even winking. It is capable of a host of different expressions including ecumenical, pious, thoughtful, diplomatic and vengeful.
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| Viva la Reformation! |
Let's take a moment to explore the features of this ecclesiastical ambassador to see how well they fit within the role of one who acts as a spiritual revolutionist to many, and as a role model and leader to even more. Thanks to the power of PhotoShop we can compare Williams to that of a figure well known for leading a revolutionary band of rebels to overthrow the authority figure of the time in the same way the protestant church was set up to challenge the Roman Catholic principles. At least to the extent the Henry VIII could get his end away with more then one woman. I do not think it is mere coincidence that Dr Rowan's face superimposes so perfectly onto Che Guevara's as it is the epitome of one which shows all of the characteristics of being a strong commandant.
The strength mostly lies in the far-off distant gaze. It suggests a higher state of mind, one not content to stare directly at the person straight in front of them, but over the left shoulder as if waiting for someone more important to arrive, leaving the viewer in a constant state of inadequacy. This is further exemplified by the down-turned mouth, suggesting a relentless disapproval of the individual in front of him causing said individual to feel that they must improve in whatever it is that they are doing. It is not a face which leaves the viewer completely disenfranchised however, the upward spiralling eyebrows suggest a slightly audacious side to the personality and therein lies the true power, indicating a deeply human side to what is on the whole an otherworldly countenance allowing for the possibility of acceptance provided you follow exactly what he dictates.
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| What has been seen can never be unseen |
Conversely, it is not the face of a fifties sex icon in any way shape or form, thus leading me to further believe my original theory that we fit into our working roles based on our appearance. You don't have to imagine what Marilyn Monroe would have looked like if she had Rowan Williams' face because I have provided that image for you, and you may thank me for any childhood infatuations destroyed later, preferably in the form of a cheque. He possesses none of the coquettishness of the young Norma Jean, and brings nothing to the image other than an instinctual feeling to bleach ones eyes out with lava. If Elton John were writing a song about this figure, it would be less 'Candle in the Wind', and more 'Burn it with Fire'. Thankfully it is a face which we never have to see in any dress other than the all covering purple papal robes, because it is a face designed for the sole purpose of being the symbolic head of the Anglican Communion, not a sexy fifties starlet.
I hereby award the face a spiritual 8 out of 10, because despite it's perfect ability to fit the role of Archbishop it is long overdue a trim.
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